Season 3, Episode 2 – The Vegas Virgin

Climb into our wayback machine with us, and bring lots of quarters because that’s what it runs on. We’re turning the dial all the way to 1999, the very first time Burt joined the antics of Matt and Dan. And so did Jerry, a “Las Vegas newbie”Vegas Virgin” who Matt and Dan both tried to take under their wings and teach about the “Real Vegas.”

Buckle up for strip clubs, ice cream socials, violent penny slot tournaments, horrific hot dogs, the death march to the Western, and more accordion than your recommended annual allowance.

Check out the original trip report that inspired this episode.

And remember to Call our Stinkline at (775) 400-2941 with your tips and stories. Or email to tell us your stories, or how the Neon Gutter has changed your life. Randy Shandis is standing by! Leave your mailing address to get a Neon Gutter sticker and an authentic $100 entry into the Bob Stupak’s Vegas World Daily Slot Tournament.

Dan Accordion Gold Spike Balcony
Matt seems delighted by Dan’s very early and very loud performance on Matt’s balcony.
Gold Spike Suite
Amy lounges in the sumptuous bedroom of our Gold Spike suite, high atop the seven-story hotel.
El Rancho Countryland
For most of the 90s, the shuttered El Rancho promised Countryland was coming. It never did.
Dan Candle Gold Spike Suite
Dan lights a candle in the Gold Spike suite to try to distract from his unfortunate hair.
Matt and Dan Fight Over Jerry
Matt and Dan fight for the soul of newbie Jerry. Phil, as is his style, stays out of it.
Lethargio at the El Cortez
Lethargio is waiting the man outside the El Cortez, and also scoping out the lovely mature ladies.
Stupak 3:16
Stevie Fine Print models his stylish and self-made “Stupak 3:16” T-shirt that honored the life-giving wisdom of Las Vegas’s “Polish Maverick.”
Big Empire Ice Cream Social on the Fitzgerald's Balcony
Ice cream was consumed and eardrums were assaulted under the watchful eye of Mr. O’Lucky on the Fitzgerald’s balcony.
Matt at the Big Empire Ice Cream Social
Matt was so excited by his ice cream treats that he often missed his mouth with them.
Stinky at the Big Empire Ice Cream Social
Stinky is thrilled by the ice cream novelties and by how special it felt to be a big shot on the Fitzgerald’s balcony.
Accordion at Big Empire Ice Cream Social
Dan’s accordion serenaded not only the Ice Cream Social guests on the Fitzgerald’s balcony, but those wandering below on Fremont Street. Phil and Jeff are thrilled.
Dan Accordion on Fitzgerald's Stage
Dan performs to a rapt audience from the Fitzgerald’s casino stage. He was not banned from the casino… this time.
Matt and Bob at Big Empire Cocktail Soiree
Matt lights a very cheap cigar while Bob ogles married ladies at Golden Gate.
Big Empire Shrimp Cocktail Eating Contest
Four bellies enter, one belly leaves. Contestants at the Big Empire Cocktail Eating Contest plow through shrimp faster than Marines let loose in a Sizzler.
Big Empire Cocktail Soiree
The attendees of the annual Big Empire Cocktail Soiree gather for a photo after all the bitterness and resentment from the Penny Slot Tournament has subsided.
Burt's Hot Dog
Burt shows he’s cut from Neon Gutter cloth on his very first trip with the Big Empire gang.